Everyone has noticed by now the flurry of Hollywood remakes and franchise reboots (Indiana Jowned, Last Poop on the Left, X-Men 4, Friday the 430th, ad nauseam….). There’s even talks about rebooting other franchises: Teenage Mutant Ninja Poop, Superpoop, Poop to the Future, etc, etc….

There are no more original ideas.

It goes beyond this. Before movies were franchises. Waaaay back.

Have you ever heard of the expression that all modern stories are basically derived from things like the Odyssey or the Iliad?

It might not be a fair assumption though. The original epics were basically compilations of stories from various people; they began first as oral tradition until people invented writing. The claim that it was written by some dude named Homer is pretty much bullshit.

So let’s cast that idea out. I’d like to broaden it up a little bit and claim that all modern stories are based off of ancient poems (or the more general theory, “anything you’re thinking of, doing, or making, someone has already done it”). I’ll use my favorite story as my example, which I like to call the “redemption hero.” It tends to be a favorite, so it’s not surprising that modern interpretations of it do so well.

The “redemption hero” has to go through three separate phases, which I like to call “power,” “tragedy”, and finally “redemption” (didn’t see that one coming, did ya?).

Phase 1: Power
The hero obtains some kind of special power. Doesn’t really matter what it is, it’s just something that the ordinary person does not have.

Phase 2: Tragedy
The hero abuses their power to the point where tragedy occurs. Usually this involves the death of someone close to them.

Phase 3: Redemption
The hero makes amends by helping people.

The original poem based on this concept is Hercules (fuck the Disney version, Kevin Sorbo ftw). Here’s an awesome site with cartoons explaining the myth. If that’s too much, here are the cliff notes:

Phase 1: Born as half-god half-human with incredible strength
Phase 2: Goes crazy and kills wife and kids
Phase 3: Performs “12 labors” or tasks then ascends to Mt. Olympia with the other gods.

If you’re still doubting me about this whole “redemption hero” thing, lemme give you some modern examples:

Spiderman
Phase 1: Bitten by radioactive spider
Phase 2: Uncle dies due to his inaction to stop a burglar
Phase 3: Fights crime. On-going as there isn’t much of an ending depending on which storyline you follow.




Batman
Phase 1: Wayne family is richest and most powerful family in Gotham
Phase 2: Bruce’s parents are killed
Phase 3: Fights crime. Also on-going depending on the storyline.

Spawn
Phase 1: Awesome dude in military, becomes mercenary
Phase 2: Dies, goes to hell, makes pact with demon
Phase 3: Fights crime or demons or something (seeing a pattern in comic books?)




Rurouni Kenshin
Phase 1: Learns powerful sword style
Phase 2: Wife dies while trying to save him in a fight
Phase 3: Helps people, swears to never kill again




Fullmetal Alchemist
Phase 1: Learns alchemy
Phase 2: Commits taboo and loses arm, leg, and brother’s body
Phase 3: Finds magical stone which helps restore their bodies, with a little side of hubris



Naruto
Phase 1: Learns some new special move/attack
Phase 2: He’s got a demon inside him, so people assume he’s bad
Phase 3: Beats some evil dude, people think he’s good
(Naruto is sort of an outlier - he is perpetually stuck in the cycle)


Constantine
Phase 1: Has psychic powers
Phase 2: Commits suicide
Phase 3: Fights demons, sacrifices self, goes to heaven




Darth Vader
Phase 1: Midichlorians off the scale
Phase 2: Kills Jedis
Phase 3: Kills emperor

Maximus
Phase 1: Becomes most powerful general in Roman empire
Phase 2: Family is killed, has to live in exile
Phase 3: Kills evil Emperor, “fixes” Rome




So there you have it. There are no more original ideas.

Are you not entertained?